Saturday, June 27, 2009

Dear Sarah & Jed

Dear Sarah & Jed,

Today is your wedding day. Sarah, I feel as though one of my own little girls has grown up. I'm not only thrilled for you, but I'm proud of your - well, your life!

Your dad asked me to give you two some words of wisdom. As you know, I'm never at a loss for words, so his request was a walk on the wild side. But I've given it some thought, and here are a few of the things that have made Mark and my 26 year marriage one of learning, growth, and joy.

1. This one is not in the #1 position by accident:
Remember that even though you are very much alike, the two of you come from very different places. They are places mostly created by the opinions, habits and folklore of generations of ancestors - i.e. strangers to you. Neither place is 'absolute.' Liking Miracle Whip instead of Mayo is not a moral failing.

2. You can live on lentils.

3. Always check the seat/lid position before you go.

4. Don't tell him to put the cap on the toothpaste unless you put your socks in the hamper .

5. Love doesn't conquer all, but it means the world while you get whatever help you might need.

6. Don't ever, ever, EVER involve your families in your disagreements. Did I say ever?

7. If he tells you not to buy him clothes, don't. Even if he looks hot in them, he won't wear the brown Dockers.

8. Although it looks as though your friends' marriages are perfect, they have some pretty tough times, too.

9. Don't assume. Even after 25 years, that one can bite you in the butt.

10. Tough times teach you more than the trips to Disneyland.

Best wishes for a wonderful eternity.
The Underwoods Love you.


"A Special Memory"
photo taken in Las Vegas uploaded by purpletwinkle

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Smells, Scents, and Odors.

Originally uploaded by Arkie G
I was trying to come up with something to write about. Suddenly I thought about my habit of smelling my socks when I take them off. Okay, I know it's weird and gross, but it somehow makes me think I'm staying in tune - with what I don't know.

Since I didn't think talking about how my feet smell would be very interesting, I started to think about smells in general. Smells such as Coffee. Grass.

Then there are the scents that sort of give a gift. A little extra blessing from Heaven that when combined paint a picture - tell a story.

Cinnamon, Clove and Pumpkin.
Old Spice and Cigars.
Campfire and Hotdogs.
Roses and Perfume.
Crayons, Playdough, and Pencil Shavings.

Wet Dog. Tomato Sauce. Skunk.

Monday, June 22, 2009

" A Nice Place to Visit "

The Twilight Zone
Originally uploaded by ipwallpapers
There's nothing like a 1960's episode of The Twilight Zone. Especially one that features a smiling, gratuitous Sebastian Cabot who comes to the aid of a hoodlum who is shot by the cops.

Taken to a beautiful mansion by the portly Cabot, who is impeccably dressed in an immaculate white suit, the hoodlum (played by Larry Blyden) is at first incredulous, then leeringly overjoyed.

First, he's presented with new clothes ~ "Hey, Fats, your man knew my specs!" then a sumptuous meal, which he quickly assumes is poisoned. When reassured by Fats, who then prompts him to recall that he was shot by the police, he is surprised that even after his unsavory life, he has been welcomed into Heavenly bliss.

Soon, though, when his every whim is granted ~ 'dolls' and cars, gambling tables and parties ~ he becomes bored with his perfect life. Every pull of the one armed bandit is rewarded with buckets of quarters, every pool shot sinks all of the balls.

Complaining to Fats, he asks if it wouldn't just be possible if he could arrange a bank heist. Fats assures him that it would be just fine. Which bank would he like to rob? What kind of getaway car would he like? Frustrated, Byden says, "I'm sick of everything going my way! Now that I know how boring it is here, I wanna go to the other place! I don't care if it isn't Heaven!"

And Fats leans back and laughingly roars, "Why Mr. Jones. Whatever made you think you were in Heaven?"

I know that this was supposed to be about Hell....

But this episode made me grateful that Heavenly Father doesn't give me everything I want, and that His plan is that each of us can learn by our own choices and consequences. Otherwise this life would truly be a Hell on earth.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Take THAT, buddy!

I'm home alone.

Mark, Sid, Scott & Stephanie have gone off to Utah for various nefarious purposes. I thought it would be really fun to be alone. I thought I'd eat junk, go to a couple of movies, read late into the night, and sleep in without guilt.

Instead, I'm terrified of the night. When I went to bed last night - after eating junk and reading as late as I could manage - I was too scared to turn the lights out, so I left one on in the upstairs bathroom.

I also "slept" with my cell phone, our land line handset, and pepper spray on the bed beside me. Every sound totally freaked me out, and I truly, literally, had little panic attacks every time the house settled.

So I decided to be proactive and plan what I would do if an intruder intruded. Oh, the pepper spray is a wonderful reassurance - until I think about how I'D get away with pepper spray 'smoke' floating around me. I mean, clearly, it'll knock out the bad guy. But it's not like it disperses with perfection. And I wouldn't be so tough that it wouldn't affect ME. What if it knocked me down, too? And we both recovered at the same time? Breathe, Patty, breathe.

And when you consider that you can hide while you're phoning 911, you have to remember that the phone makes a little beep every time you press a button. So here I'd be laying in the bathtub with the curtain pulled closed (nobody would look there cuz they'd be looking in the closet or under the bed) and the guy would hear 'beep beep beep' and know I'd called 911. So....where would he go??? Uh, not the closet!

I could always lock myself in Sid or Scott's bedroom, but I'd have to knock over a dresser or something and pull it over to block the door. But the bathroom opens into each of their rooms, so I'd have to block that door, too. Or block both of the kids' doors and lock myself in the bathroom. But the bathroom window is too small to get out of. Plus it's a 2 story drop. There's just no damn way to win.

This is what I go through every night - family here or not, actually.

I'm sleeping on the couch tonight. Really.

With the pepper spray, and both phones.

Friday, June 12, 2009

After the Bath

I just think this is beautiful.

Edgar Degas is one of my favorite artist/sculptors. We were blessed to see many of his works at the Muse d'Orsay in Paris a few years ago and it's impossible to choose either a favorite work or media. His paintings are so skilled and detailed that it seems possible to reach out and touch the fluffy tutus on his lovely ballerinas.

The sculpture of the Little Dancer of Fourteen Years is lifelike that she looks ready to step back onto the stage.

And I just sounded like Wikipedia.