Thursday, March 5, 2009

Here's to Yogi.

Sid and I went to a movie tonight that really disturbed me. It was called "He's Just Not That into You," and it was such a sad/happy/funny/pathetic statement about the morality and confusion in the dating scene today.

On one hand, it was a real eye-opener about the difference between the way girls are conditioned to sort of rationalize boys' words and actions, and what boys and men really mean by them.

The movie begins with a little girl of about 4 building a sand castle in a park, when along comes a little boy who immediately pushes her and repeatedly tells her that she smells like dog poo. She goes to her mommy in tears, and her mother says, "Do you know WHY he did that to you?" and explains that the boy REALLY just likes her and that's how he shows it.

WHAT? I remember that same comforting lesson being taught by MY female relatives any time some boy pushed me or hit me! WOW!

Then, as shown in the movie (and as I recall in my own life) after a break-up, the best friends always said something like:
"He's just insecure about your strength."
"He's not ready for a commitment."
"He just got out of a relationship."
"He's not good enough for you."

That was the first 5 minutes of the movie. My head exploded after minute 10.

One of the main characters was a guy who was helping a sweet & innocently hopeful, semi-desperate, stalker-type girl navigate the dating scene. He pointed out the little things that guys said and did - things that seemed like the guy was interested but were really ways of blowing the girl off. It was amazing. For instance, "Give me a call" meant, I'm NEVER going to contact you.

The most hysterical part, tho, was when a guy told the girl that he was "going out of town and wouldn't be able to be in contact for a while." The male 'counselor' says to the girl, "'No way to contact you?' Where's he going, New Guinea? Somewhere they don't have phones?" I mean, I would have believed the guy and waited to hear from him...

But what her friend's advice came down to was, "If he really wants to see you again, he will find a way."

There was one tragic part of the story concerning a married man who met a beautiful girl at a grocery store and started to flirt a bit. Then caught himself and told her he was married, BUT still gave her his work number so she could contact him and get a reference. When she called, he decided it would be okay to meet with her. He did remind her in his office that he was married, BUT also said that he was totally attracted to her and that she was hot.

Then he shows up and takes her Yoga class, and they discuss how it's okay to be friends, even though he can't stop thinking about her. Afterwards, she asks him to go swimming, and he says no (say it with me) because he's a married man, so she strips and jumps in. Because he's such a spot-on fellow, he won't go in with her, BUT it's okay to watch.

Eventually, the guy rationalizes himself into adultery then gets dumped by his mistress- who finally loses respect and hates him because he'd treat his wife so horribly. WHAT? And, of course, a sad, sad divorce follows. Well, at least he got pay back.

But most pathetically, his sweet wife took all this guilt on herself because their lack of intimacy had been because of her. And we're kinda supposed to be a little bit okay with that because she IS a bit of a control-freak, ya know. What? WHAT?

It's so sad to live in a time when it's considered harmless for men to look at other women and flirt a little bit. And when it's a given that they'll most likely stray if their "needs" aren't met. And that their women are partially responsible.

I'm so grateful to be a member of the Savior's church and have the commandments and Temple marriage and covenants. I can't imagine living such a hollow and 'chancy' life. I'm amazed at what a wonderful blessing it is to have a husband who is so loyal and good that he won't even look to see if a girl is 'pretty' when I ask his opinion. I am so thankful to be able to trust him and know that he trusts me - and that no matter what happens to us or between us, and even though it does and WILL take hard work,

we're in it for eternity.

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